This is what happens when the paparazzi of civilians catch you at a lame club in DC

Happy Valentine's Day with a little help from The Little River Band

Tonight I celebrated Valentine's day with a z-pac and and movie. My doctor tells me I'm nursing a sinus infection, which I accidentally called a sinus affection today. It feels like it has a deep affection for me because it's been visiting me once a month since November. Hence, the trip to Duane Reade to get my antibiotics along with some t.p. Then I decided to take myself (yes just me, myself, and I) to one of my favorite neighborhood places, Zanny's Cafe, to see a viewing of Two for the Road, starring Audrey Hepburn and Albert Finney. As I was walking through the snow with my giant Duane Reade bag (because one needs a shopping bag for 2 items), the lyrics to Lonesome Loser popped into my head...Have you heard about the lonesome loser Beaten by the queen of hearts everytime Have you heard about the lonesome loser He's a loser but he still keeps on tryin'. I haven't thought of that song since 1979.

I'm fine with going to places by myself, I even enjoy it sometimes. I wish people would stop asking me, "What are you doing for Valentine's day...any special plans?" Although, to me this was a special plan and I was looking forward to it. At least I didn't get a condescending phone call from a non single friend this time, saying, "How are ya doin? I know this day can be a tough one." Actually, I was just fine until you called. It's not a tough one for me, it's the 14th day of every other month that sucks.

So I get to Zanny's and I run into some friends of mine (who are a couple) and hope that they don't remember that the last time they saw me I was by myself. The time before that I invited them to a show. I was all proud of myself that I chose to not go solo this time and ask some people to join me. On my way down in the cab I called them because I was running late.
He said, "Who are you with?"
"Just the cab driver", I said.
"Oh I thought you were bringing someone", he replied.
Oops, I thought. Have I created an awkward situation for them? It wasn't my intention to feel like a third wheel or to send some wierd kind of message. I'm going to invite them to a party next month. God willing some people will show up and it won't just be me when they arrive. I swear I have friends!

Now the song lonesome loser (if you look at the lyrics carefully, like I just did when I googled them) seems to be about someone with a gambling problem, which I don't have. Although, I am addicted to Solitaire. Love is a gamble right? Well, I was taking a gamble on seeing a movie about love and marriage by myself. I wasn't really by myself, I had my z-pac, a cup of joe, and a man in front of me offered me a chocolate covered pretzel.

The movie began and I put my hand on my knee. Audrey Hepburn is always captivating to watch and I've never seen a young Albert Finney. It's fun to watch a movie from the 60's with a group of people you don't know in 2007. In one scene a flight attendant was offering cigarettes on the plane. But, my favorite line was when they were on a road trip in France with another couple and their bratty daughter. "Did you remember to bring the anti-snake serum?", Harry, the anal husband who gives praise to analysis, asks his wife. It was very enjoyable and I recommend it.

All in all, it was a good day. That movie at an intimate cafe with neighbors was a splendid way to celebrate any day. It was kind of cozy really with the steam covered windows and the snow on the ground outside. And at the end of the day I don't feel lonesome or like a loser.

Comic Strip Live Podcast

Debbie_Shea-03.mp3

November 28, 2006

Happy Birthday to my mom and to Rick. Rick, thanks for coming to the Comic Strip 2 years in a row for your b-day!

Kramer vs. Kramer

What will all the Kramer impersonators do now? Hopefully not use this as an opportunity to insert racial slurs into their impressions.

I for one think it's time for me to retire my Kramer impression.

Went to an engagement party/wedding and don't you know as usual the subject of merkins came up

Check out the link my friend sent me
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_232.html

I drank coffee too late and am so unproductive that I'm time traveling via google in search of Rich Little.

I really should be making better use of my insomnia than googling Rich Little. If you're pathetic like me perhaps you'll enjoy his impression of Vincent Price.

VincentPrice.wav

An old diary entry I found

Dear Diary,

I just called in sick to work and I feel better already.
I've had a one track mind lately and I realize I need to start thinking outside of my box.
My favorite game of charades was when I got to act out the book Ulysses.

I found this in a word document. It's the only diary I've ever kept. I got one when I was little but don't think I ever filled it and if I did write anything I think I just plagiarised from Jan or Marcia Brady.

I've got to come clean and admit that I haven't read James Joyce's Ulysses. So I wouldn't really be able to act it out in a game of charades. However, I just found out that I can read it at botheration.org, one page everyday and there's also a discussion/blurb page if I'm feeling social! I'm only 35 pages behind the rest of the bunch that would read Ulysses online. Perhaps it wasn't such a bad idea to drink coffee at the Hungarian pastry shop tonight at 10:30pm.

On my way home from The Hungarian, I decided to cross to the other side of the street because there's a section on my block that is crawling with rats. Thinking I was in the clear, I passed a row of garbage cans and looked at just the right time to see a big, dark, hairy rat not so much rummaging through a full can of trash but skimming the top. I really can't stomach them and I'm getting sick just writing about it. After flipping my lid I remembered a technique I saw this woman use to protect herself from such vermin. I was behind her and one popped out onto the sidewalk. She stopped dead in her tracks and began to clap. The rat scurried off. I thought, good to know, rats don't like applause and adoration. We have something in common. Perhaps I need not fear them so much after all.

I've got some reading to do. It's nice to read to the soothing sounds of a fire hydrant running outside my window.

Look at how much fun we're having!

Is poetry month really almost over? Not without a Haiku...

Eyes like chocolate chips
His hair like cotton candy
He's so sweet to me

I celebrated Greek Easter for the first time yesterday. Celebrating Easter the weekend before and Greek Easter this past Sunday gave me the feeling of another holiday...Groundhog day. Well not the holiday so much as the movie Groundhog Day. It's a good thing Jesus didn't actually have to be crucified twice because of the different calendars. Could you imagine? On the third day, he rose again in accordance with the scriptures...5 days later...the worst case of deja-vu in history.

I'm falling asleep. Hopefully my blog is not a sleeping aid for you too. Goodnight.

Oscars

Congratulations Ang Lee for winning best director for Couching Tiger Hidden Penis!

I think Last Holiday, starring Queen Latifah should've been nominated. It was obviously a feel good movie cause they showed two girls come out of the theater high fiving each other. No matter how much I've enjoyed a movie, I've never high fived someone afterwards. I gave an ex boyfriend the finger once...Ok twice after taking me to see Star Trek, The Next Generation and Showgirls respectively. Clearly I should've broken up with him after Time Cop.

Some Say The Heart Is Just Like A Wheel...

If you bend it, it can't be mended. That's what Linda Rondstadt says anyway. Happy Valentine's Day. Here's to hoping your heart is swollen (in a good way) and not bent. Although it's not possible to have a heart without a ding or two. Is it?

"Air bag Shmair bag" says Britney Spears

So selfish to use your baby as a buffer between you and the airbag Britney! They couldn't have been wearing a seatbelt because if they were it would have served as a lopsided blindfold for the infant and that's just wrong.

Let's play devil's advocate for a moment. Maybe she was breast feeding, you know multi-tasking.

You have to admit the baby looked like he was having fun. Who wouldn't when you're first driving lesson is in an SUV before you're even walking? I'll bet the steering wheel makes an excellent teething ring. As for the body gaurd? He should be fired and a new one should be hired...for the baby.

Wild Turkey...

and I'm not talking about the drink. I was walking my dog in Morning Side Park this afternoon when a woman in front of me pointed and said, "Look". I turned to look and saw a statue I'd never noticed before and wondered why she was pointing it out to me. She said, "No, behind you, how could you walk right by that and miss it?" I looked again and found myself staring at a turkey. Honest to God. I'm not sure I've ever seen a live turkey before and I didn't expect to spot my first one in Manhattan. I thought the peacocks at St. John The Divine were exotic. The woman then introduced her small white dog as "Niles, the jerk". I've called my dog an asshole before but I'd never be insensitive enought to introduce her like that. "This is Jodie. She can be such an asshole."

Isn't she lovely? Mrs. Jobangles.

Zane Crutchfield ladies and genteman!

That's who updated my blog. You're the best! I can't bear to blog anymore for fear of this glorious picture disappearing from the top of my homepage.

I wonder who updated my blog

Hi Debbie Shea. Your blog links were broken so I just HAD to correct it for you. I hope you don't mind....

Your only friend in Queen Creek

Next Stop...65th St.

Like most New Yorkers, I walked and biked quite a bit over the past 3 days. Who needs Jenny Craig when you've got the MTA? I was wondering how much weight we've lost collectively as a city. Well I think I got my answer tonight. I was thinking about a pound a day. Then I watched the news and a man on the street said he lost 5 pounds in the last 2 days. So let's say the average is 4 lbs per person times 7 million commuters. That would be 28 million pounds shed on the streets of New York since Tuesday. Astounding!

Tonight I walked from 45th and 9th up to 108th and Broadway. Not too bad. It took me 2.5 hours because I made 6 stops and some phone calls. Where else could walking be so productive? First I did some Christmas shopping at Tower records, then I hit a street vendor. I hit him after I bought the Pashmina shawl. Pashmina, smashmina. I shouldn't be punishing someone else for my bad purchases.

Next stop...Starbucks. I was going to need something hot besides my ass to get me home. The nice gentleman behind the counter asked me, "How's your holiday season going so far?"
"Shut up", I said.
"What can I get for you today?"
"Can I have a tall hot chocolate please?"
"What's the first name on that?", he asked.
How efficient, I thought. Will Starbucks ever stop impressing me?
"Can I give you my last name instead?", I said.
"Sure."
A minute or so later I heard, "Tall hot chocolate for Mrs. Clause!"
"Thank you", I said, with a wink and a wrinkle of my nose.

Three dollars and one block later the hot chocolate was consumed and I was having abandonment issues. I still had 40 some odd blocks to go! And no more hot companion in my gloved hand. Well, a few stupid gifts and a cheeseburger later I finally found myself at home. By stupid gift, I mean I bought a small plastic lobster that will grow 600% bigger when I put him in a 2 liter bottle of cold water for 72 hours. I'm looking forward to doing a science experiment before I wrap it because I have that kind of time on my hands. The guy told me I have to lie the bottle down so it grows the length of the bottle and not the width. That was super helpful as well as hilarious. I can't wait to see the look on my sister's face when she opens it.

Joy To The World and Happy Holidays!

Retail Therapy

I've heard of retail therapy before and scoffed at it. I never thought I was one to self medicate in this fashion. However, in hindsight and according to past credit card statements it appears that I am hypocrite. I have engaged in this type of therapy from time to time or should I say "dime to dime".

Once upon a lifetime ago a catalog by the name of Spiegel helped me get into debt. Who can resist their home furnishings? Not to mention turtlenecks that come in nutmeg, canary yellow, and heather blue. I mean I had to furnish my apartment and the Jim Weider home gym fit so nicely under my loft. It may not have been the ideal workout space but it ended up being a great place to hang towels.

I've smartened up a little since then and by little I mean got into debt again with slightly cooler credit cards than Spiegel.

Today, I had the wherewithal to realize this is what I was doing again as I purchased a hot chocolate, which I am proud to say I paid for in cash...all two dollars and fifteen cents of it. Okay, so maybe hot chocolate isn't exactly retail therapy. But it is the beginning of a seasonal addiction, which I will add to the list of other hot caffeinated beverages I consume all too often. The point is that when I was buying my HC, I decided on my way back home I would stop at the Tower Records I just passed to buy myself a cd. Cause it was that kind of day. It has to be a shitty day for me to buy something for myself now, something as extravagant as a cd. I actually decided I needed to have this cd this morning when I heard a song by The Decemberists on WFUV, before the day turned to shit. That's where the therapy part comes in. If I can just find the song I heard this morning, I can get back that feeling again, that momentary, carefree feeling, sprinkled with a dash of hope that ran from the top of my head to the tip of my jazz shoes. So I bought it...on my debit card. Cause who needs to pay for it later when I can pay for it now and risk getting an overdraft charge? It was a risk, not only because I was possibly bouncing a check, but because I wasn't sure the cd I was buying had the song I wanted. Life would be easier if I had an Ipod. Someone informed me that I might possibly be the only person in the city without an Ipod. It's true I'm still carrying an outdated discman I bought from Spiegel. The good news is that I got the right cd, The Decemberists Picaresque, which had the song I was looking for, The Engine Driver. Thankfully, the whole cd is great so I don't have to kill that one song. It hasn't stopped me from playing that one song over and over again though. So the day has ended on an up note and I can now get a good night's sleep jazz shoes and all.

Fall, Halloween, and Tennis

I took my last tennis lesson for the season on Sunday at The Riverside Clay Tennis Association. When I left the courts I was struck by the sunset on the Hudson. It was cloudy, so the dark gray clouds were singed in areas by a bright, rosy, pink color. It was stunning. Another woman was also stopped in her tracks by the beauty of it.
I said, "I wish I had a camera."
She said, "I do but I don't want New Jersey in the background."
I said, "It's the perfect Ying and Yang. Besides it will make a lovely back drop for my next fall activity, which is bobbing for apples in the Hudson." Then I did a swan dive into the river.

In other news, my social life keeps getting better and better. I've been invited to my first pumpkin carving party, BYOP. Thanks to the internet, I've seen some fabulous ideas on how to carve a pumpkin. For instance, did you know that you can carve a pumpkin to make it look like a pineapple? Why you wouldn't save yourself the work and just put a pineapple in front of your house is beyond me. I carved a pumpkin on my own last year. It was very sophisticated and elegant in it's simplicity and style. I carved a Jackie O lantern! You may be groaning right now. Most audiences do, which I have to say BUMS me out because that joke tickles me and I was so looking forward to telling it again this year on it's second birthday.

Lastly, some Halloween costume ideas to leave you on.
A werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand. Long live Warren Zevon.
A nun with a bad habit. This was my costume last year. It's easy. Wear a black skirt, shirt, and another skirt over your head with a white headband or collar of a white t-shirt to hold it in place on your head. Possibly some rosaries. Then of course add your favorite bad habit. I chose chewing tobacco. I met a priest that night but the jerk off was married.
Finally, one year I wore the dress you see me in on this page and added a wand, a tiara, and a blacked out tooth and went as the toothless fairy.

Happy Halloween!

On The Blog Again

I just can't wait to get on the blog again...
That's about enough of that. Much has transpired since my last entry on August 9 as we all know. While the chaos among us ensues I've chosen to take my mind of the state of the world by focusing on my screenplay. I've been inspired by the Lord of The Rings as I've just somewhat recently gotten around to watching the first two. Ok, it was last Christmas when my neice and I were knocked out with the flu and had a few days to spare. I tried watching the first one long ago but kept falling asleep half way through. This time around I enjoyed them both very much. I especially liked the second, what was it called...Lord of The Dongs, Twin Testacles? Anyhow, I've been inspired to write about a modern day hobbit who does not live in the shire but sings in a choir and lives in a cosmopolitan city, a metropolis if you will. He's computer savvy and hip. He even has his own website. His name is Bilboa Bloggins. I've been dying to write that for two months!

p.s. Kenny Bloggins will be doing the soundtrack
p.p.s This is total Blogshit!

And I said, "Hey Deb, Take a Walk on the Mild Side"

My short walk home tonight was action packed. For starters, there's a new Dunkin Donuts in my neighborhood. A poster in the window caught my eye advertising a new beverage called "Turtle Nut Iced Latte". My instinctual reaction was to make a face and say, "ewwww", out loud. Don't get me wrong I love turtle nuts. Who doesn't? That's a slam dunkin crazy name for a drink. No matter how badly I might want a Turtle Nut Iced Latte, I don't think I could ever bring myself to order one. Not out loud anyway. Maybe I could write it down on a piece of paper and then give the person behind the counter the finger.

Immediately after digesting that visual feast (stole the term "visual feast" from an English woman sitting behind me on the bus one day) a woman walking towards me was wearing a t-shirt with a tiger on it (a Sigfried and Roy type) and under her arm, she was carrying a stuffed Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. I'll bet she loves Frosted Flakes. Tiger fucker. That's what I called her. I said, "Hey Tiger fucker, can I buy you a Turtle Nut Iced Latte?"

...And the colored girls sing doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo...

Haiku

A fan named Chad said
"Comments" feature does not work
Zero hurts no more

Here's to you Chad H!

Stay tuned for more Lowkus in my writing section or my bloggity blog.
p.s A "lowku" is a haiku that is depressing or sad in nature...the opposite of high...just incase you were wondering. I don't mean to insult you, I'm sure you put 5 and 7 and 5 together.

Prehistoric Joke

I actually have lots of prehistoric jokes but this is different. I talked to my mother the other night. It had been a while and we had a nice conversation, even a good laugh. She likes to tell jokes too.
She said, "What do you call a dinosaur with glasses?"
"I don't know," I said. "You definitely don't want to call him 4 eyes. He could woop your ass."
"Debbie, don't talk like that. It sounds terrible coming from your mouth."
"I know, you call him hipster?" I said.
"No, what do you call a dinosaur with glasses?" my mother asked.
I said, "I don't know."
"A Doyouthinkhesawus?" replied my mom.
I laughed non stop for 3 minutes and 20 seconds. I know because I timed it on my stop watch.
Somehow the "A" before the punchline really tickled me and her delivery was killer.

Someone told me that there's a new dinosaur exhibit at the museum of natural history. How could that be? New dinosaurs?

My next blog will be about the dung beetle.

p.s. My new favorite fruit are dinosaur plums (aka dinosaur eggs). Just a strange coincidence I rediscovered before my mom told me that joke.

Summer Thoughts

You could drive yourself crazy trying to count fire flies. They're so beautiful yet so unavailable.

The fire hydrant across the street doesn't know when to call it quits. Should I call 311? You couldn't park there if you wanted to get a ticket!

I believe that when tube tops were made someone had me in mind. They are such a summer staple of mine! The added bonus of a tube top is that I get to choose how I want to put it on. Depending on my mood, I can either step into it or put it on over my head. If I choose to wear deodorant it's wise to step into it.

Tube tops double as a mini skirt...a micro mini that is.

If your toenails look like seashells put a sock on em.

I spent hours cleaning my room today and boy are my arms tired.

Stay cool. Don't eva change.

Saturday in the Park

I was in the park briefly today feeling extremely irritable while trying to walk my dog. She was being a little biatchy. Anywho, I was cheered when I remembered a part of a story an older gentleman once told about being in the park on a beautiful day. He said, "I was in Central Park squirrel watching." I thought how cute. But as he kept talking I realized I misunderstood. He was not squirrel watching but girl watching! I thought, not as cute dirty old man. Then the song, "I'm a Girl Watcher" popped into my head and I thought what if that song was "I'm a Squirrel Watcher" instead? That would just be perverted. Then I remembered a dream I had. I was on an audition which was outside on the sidewalk where I had to sing "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Daughter". Sounds like a reality show right? This dream was before reality t.v. so I'm ahead of my time. I swear I'm not high as I write this. I don't smoke that gibberish. I did see a t-shirt today though that read, "Thanks For Pot Smoking". Cute and perverted.

Mother's Day

Happy belated Mother's Day to all you mothers. I pet sat last week for some friends downtown. Perhaps I look more maternal down there because since Thursday I was wished a Happy Mother's day by complete strangers about 5 times. It wouldn't be so strange if I were actually a mother and not by myself 4 out of those 5 times. The first time was on a Thursday. I was getting off of a bus and a man said, "Happy Mother's Day, take care." Was it my ladies auxilary volunteer jacket? I said, "thank you", and let it go with that. I could've explained but then I would've ended up at the wrong stop on Avenue D somewhere. Then yesterday as I was walking down the street by myself a passerby said, "Happy Mother's Day". I was carrying the New York Times and while the Sunday Times is big I was not carrying it in a stroller. Shortly after a finely dressed black couple outside of a Baptist church said Happy Mother's Day as I walked by with two dogs. I said thank you and wished them the same. Somewhat understandable because I was with living, breathing creatures who needed me but technically I'm not their mother. It happened yet again on my way back from the East River. What's going on? Am I pregnant? Maybe all my well wishers are aliens.

Trash Day

I have this week off. Time flies when you're not doing anything.

One of the things I love about living in New York is that trash day seems to be at least 3X a week vs. the once a week (which happened to be Tuesday) where I grew up. If you missed it you were SOL. It was one of my chores as a child, so if I missed the garbage truck at 7:00 am, I'd drag the trash through the woods to the next street in hopes to catch it before I went to school. I never have to do that here. Good thing because the closest woods are in Riverside or Central Park. Trash day here is kind of refreshing in that way.

Well, I noticed tonight as I was walking my stunning dog, that trash day apparently is upon us. I've seen lots of things get thrown out in NYC. Infact, that's how I've aquired some furniture. Please don't judge me. One man's trash is another man's treasure. But tonight for the first time I saw a wheelchair on the sidewalk waiting to be picked up by the sanitation dept. It's one of the saddest things I've ever seen in the trash. On the upside, I'm doing my best Ironsides impression as I write this. I guess all things discarded tell a story.

Music

I saw Joseph Arhtur at The Bowery Ballroom Wednesday night with my good friend Eric Deskin (www.ericdeskin.com). He's quite the artist...Joseph Arthur I mean. Eric is also an artist when it comes to doing stand-up. I should really think about writing reviews.

Anyway, if you get a chance to see Joseph Arthur live I encourage you to do so. Not only does he write great music and lyrics, he also does all his own art work for his album covers. During his performance he painted a 6 foot painting while singing. And I thought I was impressed when I saw Billy Idol sign 8 or 9 autographs while performing two Septembers ago. Now that's a show worth seeing. I felt my life was complete after seeing him in concert. That little man has a lot of energy and guitarist Steve Stevens seems to have is own following. It brought me back to a time when I had a Billy Idol calendar and bumper sticker on my bedroom wall. I really should take them down.

I'm in no way comparing these two musicians. Like my parents, I love them both for very different reasons.

Stay tuned for more dumb things I'll say.

A Haiku Inspired by a Show I Did Tonight

Fundraiser for a
Republican club, but why?
To paint the world red?

I hate surprise fundraisers.

Spring At Last

Spring has sprung and so have the rats in my neighborhood. I also noticed that the "n" word is in full bloom as neighbors gather on the streets for friendly conversation or a beer on the stoop, and a hot girl watches a dvd from her convertible. What a tease!

April is poetry month:
My lips are red
In winter they were blue
I love flowers
Achoo, achoo, achoo

April Fools

I work in a second grade class. Today I got punched in the face, square in the nose. It was ok though, cause the kid said "April Fools!"
"Aw, I said, you got me! Since it was a practical joke I guess you don't have to go to the office."
Ironically, the reason he punched me was because he spelled the word "dented" wrong on a spelling test and I asked him to double check it.

Cab Fare

I believe the standard tip for a cab driver is 20% but how much should you tip your driver if he reads your palm, your face, and gives you a cranial massage?
"You look like a teacher", Hassan said.
"Can you keep your eyes on the road, your making me nervous", I said.
"What's your sign?", says Hassan.
"Taurus", I said.
"You love music."
"Yes I do."
"You love yellow."
"I like yellow. I love daffodils. They remind me of tea cups. If I were going to drink tea from a flower, I would choose the daffodil. Yellow's not my favorite though."
"Green is your favorite color."
"This is true."
He took a closer look at my palm.
"Why are you so sad?"
"I'm not...do you have a tissue?"
"You seem to have lost something important in the last year, maybe a few months ago."
"Most recently, my mind because I'm letting you read my palm at 2:00 am."
After subtly examining my left ring finger he took a guess that my love life was in the toilet. He told me that I'm old fashioned and that I like men to respect me. If expecting to be treated with respect makes me old fashioned than I guess I am. Why? Does today's modern woman demand disrespect?
Then he said, "You will be very relaxed when you go to bed tonight."
"Not right now Hassan, I have a headache."
Then he prescribed yoga.
"I was taking yoga."
"I know", he said.
Then he told me when I have a decision to make to call him.
I'm going to call him tomorrow morning when I'm trying to decide what to wear and again when I'm trying to decide what to have for lunch.
I think I will make Hassan my spiritual advisor.

MTA

I like taking the bus at night cause it's fast...especially when I drive. Seriously, I'm still motion sick after my ride on the M4 just four hours ago. Normally, I enjoy the ride across 110 past the Harlem Meer and down Fifth Avenue but the bus driver had a lead foot on the brake every...oh block and a half. I think the lady eating the gyro smothered in onions didn't help matters. I showed my assertiveness by taking off my scarf and cracking the window. I have a headache the size of Montana. By the way did you know that the name of the Senator from Montana is Debbie Shea? A friend of mine by the name of Debbie Shea googled me, then emailed me and said, "I didn't know you were a Senator?" I said, "Me neither. Do I happen to be wearing a sweater with puppies on it in the picture?"
"Yes!"
You can see a picture of Debbie Shea the Senator in the photo section of this site.

Blogosophy on Stand-up

Some people see a brick wall and a microphone when they think of stand-up comedy. I think of a brick wall covered with ivy. Oh yeah, and a microphone. What is it that I have to say that’s so important that I need a microphone?

Goodnight Haiku

It's past my bedtime
alarm sounds in five hours
tomorrow is here

Blog, blog, blog, blog, bloggity, blog

Alright, I'm not happy this is my first blog but here goes. I went to the gynecologist today for an annual and she asked me if I wear sunscreen. "Yes", I said, "Why do you ask?" She said, "You should wear 40." "Well", I said, "I use a very powerful sunscreen...I use spackle." I'll be honest it was the last thing I expected my gynecologist to say. At least she had the decency not to ask me as I was on my back, staring at the ceiling. Should I be worried that she's specializing in the wrong field? Or did I get a two for one special and can now forego the dermatologist? Complete strangers worry about me on the beach and tell me to be careful and now my gynecologist is afraid I'm going to get a sunburn in March.