Cab Fare

I believe the standard tip for a cab driver is 20% but how much should you tip your driver if he reads your palm, your face, and gives you a cranial massage?
"You look like a teacher", Hassan said.
"Can you keep your eyes on the road, your making me nervous", I said.
"What's your sign?", says Hassan.
"Taurus", I said.
"You love music."
"Yes I do."
"You love yellow."
"I like yellow. I love daffodils. They remind me of tea cups. If I were going to drink tea from a flower, I would choose the daffodil. Yellow's not my favorite though."
"Green is your favorite color."
"This is true."
He took a closer look at my palm.
"Why are you so sad?"
"I'm not...do you have a tissue?"
"You seem to have lost something important in the last year, maybe a few months ago."
"Most recently, my mind because I'm letting you read my palm at 2:00 am."
After subtly examining my left ring finger he took a guess that my love life was in the toilet. He told me that I'm old fashioned and that I like men to respect me. If expecting to be treated with respect makes me old fashioned than I guess I am. Why? Does today's modern woman demand disrespect?
Then he said, "You will be very relaxed when you go to bed tonight."
"Not right now Hassan, I have a headache."
Then he prescribed yoga.
"I was taking yoga."
"I know", he said.
Then he told me when I have a decision to make to call him.
I'm going to call him tomorrow morning when I'm trying to decide what to wear and again when I'm trying to decide what to have for lunch.
I think I will make Hassan my spiritual advisor.

MTA

I like taking the bus at night cause it's fast...especially when I drive. Seriously, I'm still motion sick after my ride on the M4 just four hours ago. Normally, I enjoy the ride across 110 past the Harlem Meer and down Fifth Avenue but the bus driver had a lead foot on the brake every...oh block and a half. I think the lady eating the gyro smothered in onions didn't help matters. I showed my assertiveness by taking off my scarf and cracking the window. I have a headache the size of Montana. By the way did you know that the name of the Senator from Montana is Debbie Shea? A friend of mine by the name of Debbie Shea googled me, then emailed me and said, "I didn't know you were a Senator?" I said, "Me neither. Do I happen to be wearing a sweater with puppies on it in the picture?"
"Yes!"
You can see a picture of Debbie Shea the Senator in the photo section of this site.

Blogosophy on Stand-up

Some people see a brick wall and a microphone when they think of stand-up comedy. I think of a brick wall covered with ivy. Oh yeah, and a microphone. What is it that I have to say that’s so important that I need a microphone?

Goodnight Haiku

It's past my bedtime
alarm sounds in five hours
tomorrow is here

Blog, blog, blog, blog, bloggity, blog

Alright, I'm not happy this is my first blog but here goes. I went to the gynecologist today for an annual and she asked me if I wear sunscreen. "Yes", I said, "Why do you ask?" She said, "You should wear 40." "Well", I said, "I use a very powerful sunscreen...I use spackle." I'll be honest it was the last thing I expected my gynecologist to say. At least she had the decency not to ask me as I was on my back, staring at the ceiling. Should I be worried that she's specializing in the wrong field? Or did I get a two for one special and can now forego the dermatologist? Complete strangers worry about me on the beach and tell me to be careful and now my gynecologist is afraid I'm going to get a sunburn in March.